Salty Dog
by Lover of Angelus
Summary: After arriving in a monk-hating village, Sanzo is forced to change from his priest's robes to a white suit. Needless to say that Sanzo in a white suit has caused a drastic hormone increase in a certain kappa. YAOI. LANGUAGE. RATED FOR SAFETY.


**Title**: Salty Dog

**Disclaimer**: Me no own, You no sue

**Warning**: Sexuality (yaoi) and language

**Note**: The following chapters will be one-shots prompted by various pictures from the _Salty Dog _art books.

**Note2**: This chapter was inspired by the picture of Sanzo in a white suit with the caption "Real or Fake?" Please note my originality for these chapter titles :P

-z-

**Chapter One**: Real Or Fake

-z-

Real or fake? Sometimes even he can't tell.

"Sanzo?" Gojyo's eyes widened as the priest walked into the room.

"You're drooling on yourself," Hakkai noticed.

"And you're not?" Gojyo didn't dare rip his eyes from the monk to glare at his friend.

"Perverts," Sanzo hissed as he lit a cigarette.

"Why did you have to change?" Goku asked. He was the only one unaffected by Sanzo's switching from robes to a white suit.

"Let's just say this village is well-known for it's hatred of monks," Hakkai answered. "Sanzo, being up there in status, would likely cause quite a stir, so he's just looking out for our well-being."

"Yeah, right," Gojyo snorted, walking over to Sanzo and slinging an arm around the thin shoulders and saying, "He just doesn't want rocks thrown at his pretty face."

"Die, kappa," Sanzo snarled, shoving the red head away from him.

"What about the sutra?" Goku was eyeing Sanzo's naked shoulders.

Sanzo just tapped his chest, indicating the jacket's inside pocket. Gojyo doubted that the sutra was in there by itself. He had a sneaking suspicion the priest's gun and fan were in there as well.

"Stop staring at me!" Sanzo shouted at Gojyo before turning on his heel and heading to the door.

"Hey, where you going?" Gojyo called after him.

"It's time to feed the monkey," Sanzo threw over his shoulder.

"Yay!" Goku made it to the door before Sanzo, ripping it open and tearing down the inn's hallway without waiting.

Sanzo cursed under his breath and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

-

"Eat quietly, dammit, quietly!" the fan that was the bane of Gojyo's existence crashed down on the kappa and monkey's heads.

The tavern's surrounding patrons whispered in awe of the blond man.

"You're more irritable than usual, my friend," Hakkai noted; he was careful not to use Sanzo's title.

"So you've noticed?" Sanzo tried to keep the anger from his voice. Hakkai was the only other person in the group who wasn't a complete moron; therefore he did not deserve to bear the brunt of Sanzo's rage.

"As has half the tavern," the sadistic smile on Hakkai's lips made Sanzo growl in annoyance. "You get looks all the time, but it's never been this open before."

"I. Have. To kill. Something," Sanzo declared just as the waiter came over to check on them.

"Uh," the waiter stuttered, having just heard what Sanzo had said, he was truly terrified.

"Don't mind him, he's shy," Gojyo threw his arm around the blond and, snuggling close, whispered, "He's not used to all the attention he's-"

The sound of metal grinding against metal and the tell-tale click of a hammer being cocked interrupted Gojyo mid-sentence. The feel of cool metal against his throat, unmistakable with it's intentions, sent a cold shiver down his spine.

"Remove. Your. Arm," Sanzo ordered through clenched teeth.

Gojyo was quick to obey.

"You don't look that bad, San-" Goku's mouth was abruptly stuffed with a meat bun.

"Don't talk, monkey," Sanzo said. "Just eat. Eat. Eat. Eat!"

Goku's anger at being interrupted promptly disappeared when he realized (a) what he was about to say and (b) that there were several meat buns in his mouth.

"Doyouneedanythingelse?" the waiter said in a rush.

"Get out of here!" Sanzo shouted before once again turning his gun on Gojyo. "If you don't stop touching me, kappa, I'm sending your ass straight to hell!"

"Mommy!" Gojyo cried as he jumped across the table to hide behind Hakkai.

"You brought it upon yourself," Hakkai shook his head, calmly sipping his tea. "Please don't point that gun at me," the green-eyed turned back to the monk. "You and I both know Gojyo's insatiable lust for anything beautiful, please, give him a break?"

Sanzo growled something under his breath before turning back to his food. No one noticed the hands of another patron until it was too late. Other customers will later recall hearing an angry shout and several gunshots, quickly followed by a cry of agony.

"Dumb bastard," Sanzo's nostrils flared as the offending man cowered against the wall.

"I'm sorry!" the man clenched his bleeding shoulder. "It was an accident, I swear!"

"We're supposed to be protecting these people," Hakkai reminded the monk, stepping up behind his friend and gently laying a soothing hand on his shoulder. "Besides, do you really think it's worth the bullet?"

"Tch," Sanzo glowered at the whimpering man before turning to face his companion. "You're a very dangerous man, Hakkai."

The demon just smiled and shrugged his shoulders, subtly steering the priest towards the door.

"Sorry about that," Hakkai bowed to the restaurant owner as Sanzo procured the gold card.

"Well, maybe if blondie over here wasn't so trigger happy, we wouldn't have had anything to worry about," Gojyo took a longing look at the remnants of food and beer still sitting on the table.

"Well, maybe if you weren't so grabby and could think with your brain and NOT your dick for more than two seconds, we really wouldn't have had anything to worry about," Sanzo's reply was calm and his words biting.

Gojyo shouted at the priest's back, "As if I would ever try sleeping with you, tight wad!"

"Oh?" Sanzo grinned maliciously and Gojyo felt something cold trickle down his spine. Sanzo turned his head slightly, looking over his shoulder and up through his eyelashes. "Who are you trying to kid?" the monk's tone had dropped and the words were coated in honey and sugar, his violet eyes smoldering and setting fire to the pit of Gojyo's stomach.

"That's so not right," Gojyo groaned, forcing him to take a few steps back so he wouldn't be tempted to grab the monk and bend him over the counter right then and there.

"What's the matter, Gojyo?" Sanzo let the name roll off his tongue.

"I hate you," the kappa's voice was shaky as he broke out into a sweat with the effort it took to restrain himself.

"And I win," Sanzo's eyes hardened and turned cold again, his lips snapping upward into that damned smirk.

"You're so very, very evil."

"I could banish you with two words."

"I'm your slave?"

Sanzo rolled his eyes as he and the rest of the group left the restaurant and began to walk back towards their inn.

"Now that we have that settled," Hakkai interrupted, "should we talk about sleeping arrangements?"

Chaos ensued.

-z-


End file.
